Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Gratitude Post

Yesterday was great. It was really a special birthday. I'm not sure why, but I was just so filled with gratitude and happiness. I know I have another procedure around the corner, but that didn't stop me from being happy. How awesome is that?

After waking up to a special coffee and the coolest gift ever (read below), I got to go spend time with some friends. We went to a yummy lunch and had a lot of fun. Then I came home to rest for awhile because I had been up for several hours. When the family got home we all went to dinner with my mom, sister, BIL, and close family friends. We finished the night up with cake at our house. I got some really nice gifts (including a book about poodles that I am so excited to read!) and had a lot of fun.

While everyone was sleeping last night, I broke out the book of my first year of blogging. It kind of makes me sad. In 2008 I worked like a maniac. I NEVER saw my family, except for vacations. Almost every blog I wrote, I wrote while I was at work in the ER. It was a time when I worked all day, came home for 20 minutes, changed clothes, drove to small town AR (2 hrs away), worked a 12 hr shift, drove home and went to work all day. I would be home a few nights a week but I would be EXHAUSTED. Most weekends found me back in small town ER working. I always found a way to justify it. I had a horrible time saying no. Every time they called me and threw more money my way I was in my car, ready to work. We made a lot of money that year. I missed a year with my family. The money wasn't worth it. How much is a year away from your family worth? It is not something you can put a price tag on, but I did. Now I spend all my time with my family. In fact, we are only apart when they are busy at school and work. Or when Mere and I are traveling to LA for treatment. I have a feeling that is why I felt so happy and blessed yesterday. I had 2008 looming in my mind. A year wasted.

I had already slowed down a lot before I got sick. I had quit small town ER and started a local moonlighting gig that NEVER required a night away from the family. I was restructuring and already getting a lot more time with my girls. However, I was no where near the grinding halt that I have been at for the last 6 months. This year I have spent countless hours reading to Layne and Syd, listening to their days, watching them play outside, and just being together. A far cry from 2008. We don't have any money, but we are together and making it work. I didn't want this path for myself or my family, but I am so grateful that we are all here together. I think I should quit now before this starts sounding like a country song.


Jen said...

Oh, it can be so hard to find the balance as a working mom! The balance between career goals and time with the family. I feel so lucky to have a job that lets me balance the two.

At least you figured out what is better for you before the girls were grown up . . .

I'm glad you had a great birthday!

K said...

Happy belated birthday!

I struggle with the work/family balance. And I always second guess my decisions. I too am lucky to have always had bosses/work situations that work for family life.

Good luck with the surgery and trip! We will keep your beautiful and happy family in our prayers!

K J and the kids said...

What a beautiful post.
I am just amazed at the way you and Mere both find the silver lining.
I'm very glad you have each other.
Glad you had a good birthday

gabrielle said...

Happy birthday, I know how hard the work/family balance is, we are still struggling withy it at times

amy said...

happy birthday jess! hopefully this was your big life's lesson and the powers that be can make you healthy again now. it feels like a powerful lesson that i need to take away from your experience, i'm also too focused on work and making $$ and not present enough with my kids. hmmm...