Wednesday, August 27, 2008

You Have Got to Prayer Up!

I was riding in the elevator the other day with a nurse that works at the cancer center and a nurse who just applied for a job at the cancer center. There conversation went something like this,

Nurse1: "Do you like working here?"
Nurse2: "Yes, but is can be very difficult sometimes"
Nurse1: "Really?"
Nurse2: "Before you come to work here you better prayer up if you want to make it through the day. These people are sick and the work can really get you down if you aren't careful."

Prayer up.....I really like that. Yes, you definately need to prayer up for this job.

I have had to prayer up this week. We have a patient who has been dying of cancer for over a year. The last few months he has been having a steady decline. This hospital admission the writing was on the wall....he is going to die. The question is do we send him home with comfort care and let him die in peace and in his own environment or do we keep doing invasive things in the hospital without any real hope of doing any good? In other words, should we prolong his death? This seems like a really easy answer. But, it is not. Not for families who feel like they aren't doing "everything" possible. Not for sons who cannot wrap their minds around a terminal patient who does not want to eat. Not eat? We have to feed him somehow, someway...right? It is so hard to explain the process of dying to a family. It is worse when the family is divided. Yesterday, we had a final family meeting because the indecision had gone on long enough. The patient is the only person who suffers. It was heart breaking to watch a woman who has been married for 60+ years to decide to let her husband go in peace. It was even more heart breaking to know that she wanted to make this decision last week but was to afraid of upsetting her adult children. I cannot imagine having to be so strong in a time when you must feel so weak. Having to stand up for what you know is right for your loved one when the rest of the family is still questioning.

It was really hard, some days are just really hard. I guess I need to prayer up.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Mommies Gone Wild!!!

I have been meaning to post these pics since Mary left but just haven't had the time so I thought I would put them up before I completely forgot. Here are some fun pics of our night on the town.

Mere and Me "posing"

Bridget and cute!!

You talkin' to me!!!!????

My new partner in crime

I love cheesy music!

You can say that again!

Do I really have to claim them?

The wild one in the middle surrounded by the good girls!

Ok, this wild mommy is going to bed. Yes, it is what???

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

A Letter to My First Born

Dear Sydney,

Today marked a big day for you. You are now officially a first grader!!!! You were so proud this morning with your new back pack and school uniform. Watching you grin from ear to ear and telling Laynie, "ba ba is going to go to 1st grade today" was so cute. As we cuddled in bed last night I was marveling at how time flies. I can still remember the second you were born. I remember carrying you from the delivery room to the nursery, thinking, "Oh my God, this is my daughter." You have been the love of my life, you have given me joy and peace and comfort in knowing that all is right with the world. How could it not be with you in it?

My favorite part of the day is when we sit down and read our latest book. Now it is Ivy and Bean but we have gone through so many and will go through so many more as the years progress. I love to listen to you sing in the car and play pretend dinos and tell Layne you love her. I love to watch you love on your sister and concentrate on your drawings. I love everything about you. Your 1st grade teacher is lucky to get to spend the year with such an amazing person.

You have grown into such a beautiful, smart, and creative little (big) girl. I know that you will someday be an unstoppable woman but for now you are still my baby. I love you my goose and I am SO PROUD of you!!!!!! By the way, you need to stop growing up right now!!!

Monday, August 18, 2008

Facebook is in the HOUSE and now it's going home

As most of you know my sister in law, Mary and our niece, Steph were visiting this week. The first night they were here Mary got Mere onto facebook. Now guess what I have? A facebook addict. Guess what else? I can't understand a lot the conversations they are having because I'm not on facebook. As Bridget said, "we can talk about you!" I guess I'm going to have to breakdown and join the crowd....maybe :)

Here is what it looked like at my house (when we were at home) this week. Mere and I on the sofa, mere w/ laptop in hand. Mary on the adjacent chair, w/ laptop in hand. Steph on the other chair, w/ laptop in hand. I did not have anything in my lap.....just the remote. Mere and Mary were laughing and having what must have been a great conversation, but I wouldn't know because I couldn't hear it. What? I was sitting in between them, why couldn't I hear? Because they were texting each other on facebook. Yes they live hundreds of miles apart but they are sitting a few feet away from each other and communicating via the internet. Something is very wrong with this.....very, very wrong.

On another note, this weekend was so much fun. Sat morning we went to the Rivermarket and shopped, ate, and shopped again. Sat afternoon we were at the Daisy Scout's ceremony, welcoming all the girls to Daisys. More on that later.

We went back to the piano bar on Sat (w/ Mere, Bridget, and Holcomb w/ us) and had a blast. I am definately not able to hold my liquor like I could in college. DEFINATELY NOT. But you cannot have more fun then being at a bar w/ your favorite friends and dancing to Ice, Ice baby coming from piano. Oh yeah, and not caring what others think because I'm not is college trying to pick someone up....I'm just having fun. I'm thinking this is going to have to be an every other month thing.....yeah, that's right Bridget you are going to have to suck it up!!!!

Sunday was also a blast....we spent the day at Linda's pool w/ my mom, Mere, Mary, Steph, Erica, Leah, Ross, and the girls. We had a great time and ended it with Ross, Syd, and Layne running around a local cafeteria signing and dancing. Entertaining for us. Others? Probably not so much. But who goes to a cafeteria on a Sunday evening anyway? You have to expect to run into some sorted characters (us) at Frankie's caf.

Mary and Steph leave today and we are all sad. It was just such a great week. Everyday was fun and Mary is so hilarious. How come it has taken us this long to bond? Probably because we are strangely alike in some ways. Syd was really sad last night because she didn't want them to leave today. She wanted to make sure I have their phone number so she can call them whenever she wants.

Have a safe trip girls! We will miss you.

BTW, check out Mary's blog for some cute pics of the trip (Yeah, I'm terrible at posting pics because I'm always at work when I blog.)

Friday, August 15, 2008

It's OVER!!!!!! And other fun stuff.....

Yes, it is OVER!!!! Thank God that exam is done. I think I did well, I think I passed, and I felt good about the whole thing. If I failed, then I will just do it again next year. But, for now it is on to bigger and better things. My constant, pounding headache? It is finally gone. The terrible anxiety and pit at the bottom of my stomach? Gone.

I will say that the acupuncture REALLY helped. I am so sticking with just for generalized anxiety and insomnia. But mostly because it makes me feel so good. My little chinese acupuncturist is so cute :) He said, "you not that bad. we fix you in few sessions." Yeah, we will see about that!

After the exam I came home to a beautiful flower arrangement from my sister in law, Mary and my niece, Steph. It was so nice and meant so much. Yes, there are pics but I am at work and have not had a chance to put them on the blog. I will post them later.

Since I finished earlier then I thought I got to spend the day w/ my girls and Mary and Steph (I guess I could just call them all my girls this week). I took Steph shopping for clothes in celebration of her 16th birthday. Holy crap!!!! She was 8 yesterday, I swear. We went to her favorite store, Hollister Co. I should have known that it would make me feel super old when I had never heard of it but I had no idea. The store is DARK w/ really LOUD music. Basically, I couldn't see or hear anything. There were teenagers everywhere and did I mention the loud music? Then Steph started trying on clothes and that is when I found out that size 0 is to big for her. Ok...I love her, she is my niece and I know that she gets a lot of crap for being pretty and little and well endowed, but, I kinda wanted to hit her when the size 0 was to big. Then I realized that it probably does really suck to not be able to find clothes that fit rather they are to big or to small. But still kinda wanted to hit her. Obviously, I didn't and we had a BLAST shopping.

That night we all went for an awesome dinner at Brave New Restaurant (one of our favorites) and then Mary somehow convinced me to go out dancing. I somehow convinced my sister to come with us. So, Mary, my sister (Jenn), and I all went out for a night of fun. That is all I can say about that :) But I am WAY TO OLD to be getting home at 1am on a work night. Thank God for Zofran and Ibuprofen.

The rest of the week has been great. We have done some swimming, some shopping, a lot of eating, and laughing. Tonight it is off to the movies and tommorrow night another night out w/ Mary, Mere, and some of our should be fun.

BTW, Steph may be young and cute, but I kicked her ass at Wii boxing (we won't talk about golf, bowling, and baseball scores).

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Stressed to the MAX!!!!!!

This week has been hell. A lot (most of it) has been self imposed. Do you think I will ever learn how to shut up? Uhmmm....probably not.

So, first...the boards. I have managed to get myself so worked up over them that I am in a state of panic. I know this is counterproductive, I know this could cause me to fail, but I cannot help it. I went to another board review this last weekend (which was great) but flying to and from NJ in 2 days is exhausting. I'm just living with a pit in my stomach and constant heart palpatations. At this point in time, I just want it to be OVER. So, on Aug 12 (next Tues) PLEASE send me positive brain waves and good energy. In the meantime I am a studying machine (which means my family doesn't get to see me) w/ breaks for acupuncture in an effort to tame the stress. Something HAS TO WORK!!!!

Second, the fellowship program. Long story short, there have been inequalities between the upper and lower level fellows. Rather these are true inequalities or perceived is still unclear. But, me being me I decided to bring it all out in the open. You know, introduce the pink elephant. Also being me, I didn't do it in the most tactful manner which resulted in a huge uproar and a day of emails back and forth b/w us all. The end result? I look like an ass for bringing up something that everyone was complaining about. I'm just the only one who said anything. When will I learn my lesson? Probably never. Will this pass? already has. Will I ever be good friends w/ the upper level fellows? I'm thinking no. It is still just super stressing me out!!!!

That's all for now. I just want this week to be over. I just want to stop oscillating between fear, depression, and anxiety.