Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Gratitude Post

Yesterday was great. It was really a special birthday. I'm not sure why, but I was just so filled with gratitude and happiness. I know I have another procedure around the corner, but that didn't stop me from being happy. How awesome is that?

After waking up to a special coffee and the coolest gift ever (read below), I got to go spend time with some friends. We went to a yummy lunch and had a lot of fun. Then I came home to rest for awhile because I had been up for several hours. When the family got home we all went to dinner with my mom, sister, BIL, and close family friends. We finished the night up with cake at our house. I got some really nice gifts (including a book about poodles that I am so excited to read!) and had a lot of fun.

While everyone was sleeping last night, I broke out the book of my first year of blogging. It kind of makes me sad. In 2008 I worked like a maniac. I NEVER saw my family, except for vacations. Almost every blog I wrote, I wrote while I was at work in the ER. It was a time when I worked all day, came home for 20 minutes, changed clothes, drove to small town AR (2 hrs away), worked a 12 hr shift, drove home and went to work all day. I would be home a few nights a week but I would be EXHAUSTED. Most weekends found me back in small town ER working. I always found a way to justify it. I had a horrible time saying no. Every time they called me and threw more money my way I was in my car, ready to work. We made a lot of money that year. I missed a year with my family. The money wasn't worth it. How much is a year away from your family worth? It is not something you can put a price tag on, but I did. Now I spend all my time with my family. In fact, we are only apart when they are busy at school and work. Or when Mere and I are traveling to LA for treatment. I have a feeling that is why I felt so happy and blessed yesterday. I had 2008 looming in my mind. A year wasted.

I had already slowed down a lot before I got sick. I had quit small town ER and started a local moonlighting gig that NEVER required a night away from the family. I was restructuring and already getting a lot more time with my girls. However, I was no where near the grinding halt that I have been at for the last 6 months. This year I have spent countless hours reading to Layne and Syd, listening to their days, watching them play outside, and just being together. A far cry from 2008. We don't have any money, but we are together and making it work. I didn't want this path for myself or my family, but I am so grateful that we are all here together. I think I should quit now before this starts sounding like a country song.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me

What does everyone want for their b-day? Diamonds? Money? Clothes? No, what everyone wants is a blood patch! Well, try to not be to jealous because that is what I am getting. Eat your hearts out peeps. Ok. Seriously, yes I am still leaking. I have been bad about updates because I wanted a plan before I got on the blog. Well, now I have one. Mere and I leave Monday for sunny LA. Tuesday is MRI and appointment with Dr.S, and Wed is blood patch. Thursday we fly home. Is this it? I have NO IDEA. What I do surgery for me for at least another month. I am willing to try his super special large volume blood patch and PRAY beyond PRAYING that is works. But, if it doesn't, I'm holding on surgery until June. That little voice in my head is just telling me that surgery is not a great idea right now.

April has been good. I am managing pain with the help of an awesome palliative care doctor and can be up for considerable periods of time with bearable pain. I haven't gone back to work yet but I'm going to try in May. We will see. I am not overly hopeful that I will make it an entire day, but there is only one way to find out! I am off of the cane and the walker and discharged from physical therapy. My right leg is still pretty weak but I'm the only one who can tell. We have actually been able to do things as a family this month....picnics, bday parties, gathering at friends' has been great. Even though I'm still not better, I am feeling more normal than I have in 6 months. I'm not ready to trade that for the excruciating pain of surgery and recovery. I just can't do it right now. Oh yeah, and I'm driving again!!!!!

So, onward and upward. I pray that 32 is better than 31. I don't need perfection, I just want to be restored to health again. Keep praying for us because we still need it!

Oh yeah, and guess what my awesome wife got me for my bday? The first year of my blog made into a book and a S.tarbucks coffee waiting for me when I woke up (a luxury that we can no longer afford). The book IS AWESOME and AMAZING and WONDERFUL. It just proves that the best gifts aren't the expensive ones. I love you Mere.

Below is a picture of the book. Pretty cool, huh?