This week has been hell. A lot (most of it) has been self imposed. Do you think I will ever learn how to shut up? Uhmmm....probably not.
So, first...the boards. I have managed to get myself so worked up over them that I am in a state of panic. I know this is counterproductive, I know this could cause me to fail, but I cannot help it. I went to another board review this last weekend (which was great) but flying to and from NJ in 2 days is exhausting. I'm just living with a pit in my stomach and constant heart palpatations. At this point in time, I just want it to be OVER. So, on Aug 12 (next Tues) PLEASE send me positive brain waves and good energy. In the meantime I am a studying machine (which means my family doesn't get to see me) w/ breaks for acupuncture in an effort to tame the stress. Something HAS TO WORK!!!!
Second, the fellowship program. Long story short, there have been inequalities between the upper and lower level fellows. Rather these are true inequalities or perceived is still unclear. But, me being me I decided to bring it all out in the open. You know, introduce the pink elephant. Also being me, I didn't do it in the most tactful manner which resulted in a huge uproar and a day of emails back and forth b/w us all. The end result? I look like an ass for bringing up something that everyone was complaining about. I'm just the only one who said anything. When will I learn my lesson? Probably never. Will this pass? Yes...it already has. Will I ever be good friends w/ the upper level fellows? I'm thinking no. It is still just super stressing me out!!!!
That's all for now. I just want this week to be over. I just want to stop oscillating between fear, depression, and anxiety.