Mixed Emotions

Ok...well, Mere is probably going to kill me for blogging about this...but, I want to. It won't be the first (or last) time this blog has gotten me in trouble.

We are STILL NOT PREGNANT. This has been almost 1 1/2 years if you combine the time we have both been trying. I know I was a dud but I really thought Mere would pop another one out w/o much trouble. I thought this was the month....clomid, no nursing, good timing...what happened?

EVERYONE around us is getting pregnant and it is frustrating. Yes, I am happy for them all and a few of them have had fertility issues to BUT I WANT A BABY. I don't care how we get it, who carries it, etc....I just want it. We found out about our friend's pregnancy on the same day that my OB thought I was pregnant (because my progesterone was so high). I had one day of thinking I had done it. Now I look at her baby (peanut's parents) and think....ohhhh we would had that baby by now if I had been pregnant.

I do realize that we started having babies WAY before most of our friends so even though they are all having babies, they are mostly on their 1st and 2nd kids. Is it selfish to be so upset about wanting a 3rd? Even if we were done now we would have everything to be grateful for and nothing to be upset about. But, I would be. I feel like we aren't complete yet.....we are meant to have more.

What next? We have an appt w/ the RE on Oct 17th and there are a world of possibilities out there. Mere's eggs....my uterus, Mere's eggs....her uterus, Mere's eggs....both of our uteri (is that a word?). I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I DO KNOW I am not looking foward to bringing those evil drugs back into our house. I am not looking foward to regular transvaginal ultrasounds. I am not looking foward to these hard decisions. I DO NOT WANT multiples and I'm not mentally prepared to get pregnant right now. I thought I was off the hook for awhile. BUT, if you have fresh, good embryos hanging around....what do you do?

I'm not going to make this a TTC blog but I will keep everyone posted.

In other news, everyone is doing great in our house. Layne is turning into such a little kid. She is not our baby anymore (she will always be our baby). She is talking up a storm and just such a joy....ALWAYS keeping us entertained. Syd is also doing great. She is learning to read like a champ and starting to think so grown up. When did this happen?

Mere is also doing great. She is swimming (at 5am) on M/W/F w/ a local swim team and she is working w/ our trainer. Damn Gina! She is going to get buff and I'm going to stay flabby.

We went and looked at a mother's day out program this week. Layne starts Tuesday from 9am-2pm. We are both a little nervous but I think Layne will be very happy there. I know she needs to spend more time around other kids and get used to not being with one of us all the time.

Finally, this weekend is packed!!!! I am not working.....YEAH!!!!!! But here is our schedule:
Tonight: Party at a friend's house....probably not going to make it
Tommorrow: Race for the Cure, lunch w/ my peeps, Syd b-day party, a baby shower, and then we are hosting the 3rd annual pumpkin carving contest at our house...think we will be tired?
Sunday: I think we are supposed to paint Syd's room.....BUT, maybe we could go to the fair instead???

Hope everyone has a great weekend.