This week has been hell. A lot (most of it) has been self imposed. Do you think I will ever learn how to shut up? Uhmmm....probably not.
So, first...the boards. I have managed to get myself so worked up over them that I am in a state of panic. I know this is counterproductive, I know this could cause me to fail, but I cannot help it. I went to another board review this last weekend (which was great) but flying to and from NJ in 2 days is exhausting. I'm just living with a pit in my stomach and constant heart palpatations. At this point in time, I just want it to be OVER. So, on Aug 12 (next Tues) PLEASE send me positive brain waves and good energy. In the meantime I am a studying machine (which means my family doesn't get to see me) w/ breaks for acupuncture in an effort to tame the stress. Something HAS TO WORK!!!!
Second, the fellowship program. Long story short, there have been inequalities between the upper and lower level fellows. Rather these are true inequalities or perceived is still unclear. But, me being me I decided to bring it all out in the open. You know, introduce the pink elephant. Also being me, I didn't do it in the most tactful manner which resulted in a huge uproar and a day of emails back and forth b/w us all. The end result? I look like an ass for bringing up something that everyone was complaining about. I'm just the only one who said anything. When will I learn my lesson? Probably never. Will this pass? Yes...it already has. Will I ever be good friends w/ the upper level fellows? I'm thinking no. It is still just super stressing me out!!!!
That's all for now. I just want this week to be over. I just want to stop oscillating between fear, depression, and anxiety.
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8 comments:
Oh man what a stressful time you are in. It sounds like you are doing a great job preparing for the boards. I'm certain you will do GREAT! Thoughts and prayers for you for next week. I'm sure it can't get here soon enough! Except then that would probably cause more stress.
Oh, I'm already sending you positive vibes! I have an idea how you are feeling because I took the bar exam not so long ago. It SUCKS!!!! Hang in there. It will be over soon! I'd tell you that I think you will pass, but that always freaked me out more when people said that. It was like it just added to the pressure.
I think you would be fine and be able to handle the one with out the other, with both things going on I can see how you feel as if your world is crashing down on you.
Coming from someone who ALWAYS points out the pink elephant :)...I'm sorry. I hope that in time your honesty will be appreciated. I personally like people more who are forward and honest. I trust them more.
You will do GREAT on your boards. You are smart and you work and study hard.
I'll just bring positive brain waves and good energy when I come. see you soon :)
YUCK. I am sorry about work drama.
good luck with the test and drink Dr. Pepper. My friend carla swears by drinking dr. pepper when studying for her boards. After taking the PE, I believe her.
I took the PE twice and was scared both times. I say twice because it wasn't the end of the world when I didn't pass the first time.
I am about to sit my graduate interview which I am not looking forward to so I totally understand wanting things to be OVER.
Sounds yucky! I believe in you though :D
sounds very stressful! i have a very good friend going through the same process with boards looming for anesthesiology so i get it. i'll totally be sending you positive pass vibes on test day!!
Where are you ? How did it all go ?
How are you holding up ?
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